This short video from a year ago always makes me laugh. She is always so crazy.
I think back about my own childhood – and I truly don’t have any good memories of growing up – not sure whether this is because I have a truly bad memory, or if I actually didn’t have any “fun” as a child with my parents. I think of the two of them, my mom was pretty stiff, and rigid in her ways (no spilling of ice cream on the couch!), and didn’t know how to laugh at the world. I’m assuming she was a product of her parents, and of growing up during the depression. I do remember my dad laughing sometimes, but he wasn’t a jokester. I just didn’t grow up with “fun” or “laughter” when I was a child.
(No wonder I am so stiff myself. Takes a lot of effort for me to crack a smile or laugh when I’m with people. Most of my former work colleagues would probably agree with that statement.)
I think the biggest reason why I did not want to have kids when I was in my twenties/thirties, was because I felt I wouldn’t know how to “relate” to them, how to talk to them, how to make them laugh or even how to laugh or have fun with them. I was so scare that I would be an awful dad (like my dad). Unfortunately, no one tried to convince me otherwise. I’m not sure why Gail didn’t want kids – maybe she did, but felt she couldn’t because of my ambivalence (I truly hope not, I hope I didn’t stop her from having a kid if she really wanted one).
Anyway, I am so very glad and fortunate to have been included in Lailah’s life these last four+ years, allowing me to see what it means to have a kid in your life, helping me learn patience and understanding, how to have fun with kids, how to laugh at everything, how to give them laughter, and how to give them love and affection, but most importantly, how to love someone, unconditionally – a feeling I’ve probably have had only once before (with Gail).
These last four years has changed me – I would not trade these experiences with Lailah for a billion dollars. I’ve become a better person, a better man, because of her, all because of my love for this little girl.
Can’t wait for the next four years, can’t wait for the next eight years, and I can’t wait for the next twelve years, to watch her grow from being a four year old, into an eight year old, to becoming a twelve year old, and then, into a teenager (can you just imagine?)
She is my life. My universe.
